my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
