just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
