Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I smell like Dick and happiness
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
