I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
