if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
