she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Panties = found
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
