thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We need a shit load of segways right now
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
