Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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