Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
