fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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