I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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