My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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