In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
