I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
