I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize