If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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