So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
