i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
