Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
