The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
