Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
