did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Randomize
