Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
