im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
