Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
