Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Let's get the cat blown out
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
