I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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