Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
