Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
