Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
