If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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