Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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