Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
