Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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