dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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