Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
