You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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