you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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