i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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