I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
