Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
