Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
