don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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