Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
