I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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