sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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