ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
