I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
