guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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