i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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