Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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