I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
