oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
