the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
