Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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