wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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