last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
