I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
