My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Randomize
