I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
