I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
