her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
whose parrot is this?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
