Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
