I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She told me I should be a condom model.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
