the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
