and i looked up. we had an audience...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
