I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
