You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
