I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
