a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
