i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
